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1.Chicken Wire:

An old man was sitting on his front porch down in Louisiana
watching the sun rise. He sees the neighbor's kid walk by
carrying something big under his arm. He yells out "Hey boy,
whatcha got there?"

Boy yells back "Roll of chicken wire."

Old man says "What you gonna do with that?"

Boy says "Gonna catch some chickens."

Old man yells "You damn fool, you can't catch chickens with
chicken wire!"

Boy just laughs and keeps walking.

That evening at sunset the boy comes walking by and to the old
man's surprise he is dragging behind him the chicken wire with
about 30 chickens caught in it.

Same time next morning the old man is out watching the sun rise
and he sees the boy walk by carrying something kind of round in
his hand.

Old man yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"

Boy yells back "Roll of duck tape."

Old man says "What you gonna do with that?"

Boy says back "Gonna catch me some ducks."

Old man yells back, "You damn fool, you can't catch ducks with
duck tape!"

Boy just laughs and keeps walking.

That night around sunset the boy walks by coming home and to the
old man's amazement he is trailing behind him the unrolled roll
of duck tape with about 35 ducks caught in it.

Same time next morning the old man sees the boy walking by
carrying what looks like a long reed with something fuzzy on the
end. Old man says "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"

Boy says "It's a pussy willow.

Old man says "Wait up.... I'll get my hat."

2.What a Woman Says, What a man hears!

What a woman says:
This place is a mess! C'mon, you and I need to clean up, Your stuff is
lying on the floor and you'll have no clothes to wear, if we don't do
laundry right now!

What a man hears:
blah, blah, blah, blah, C'MON
blah, blah, blah, blah, YOU AND I
blah, blah, blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR
blah, blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES
blah, blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW

Three women were out golfing one day and one of them hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.
The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."

The woman freed the frog and the frog said, "Thank you, but I forgot to mention that there was a condition to your wishes - that whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better."

The woman said, "That would be fine."

For her first wish she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis, that women will flock to him."

The woman replied, "That will be okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me."

So, poof - she's the most beautiful woman in the world.

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world, and he will be 10 times richer than you."

The woman said, "That will be okay, because what is mine is his, and what is his is mine..."

So, poof, she's the richest woman in the world.

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."

What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you? Run - she is still holding the grenade!

Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet? She didn't want to wake the sleeping tablets!
Did you hear about the blonde tap dancer? She fell in the sink!

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it." The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"