1. Question: If a blonde and a brunette fell off a building, who would hit the ground first?
Answer: The brunette - the blonde would have to stop for directions!

2. The assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.
"Six please" she said, "I could never eat twelve!"

3 A blonde was walking down the road with a healthy looking pig under her arm. As she passed the bus stop, someone asked,
"Where did you get that?"
The pig replied,
"I won her in a raffle!"

4. A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a new blonde girl painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket.
Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall.
She showed him the instructions on the tin,
"For best results, put on two coats".

5. Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their car with a coat hanger.
First Blonde:
"I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
Second Blonde:
Well you better hurry up. It's starting to rain and the top is down!

6. Three blondes were walking through a field when they came across a set of tracks.
The first blonde looked down at the tracks and said,
"I think they could be bird tracks."
The second blonde went to look and said,
"No, I think these are deer tracks."
They stepped aside and the third blonde went over to the tracks. She looked down, then got run over by the train!

7 A blonde asked someone what time it was, and they told her it was 4:45. The blonde, with a puzzled look on her face replied,
"You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer."

8. A blonde was driving down the road listening to the radio and was quite upset when she heard blonde joke after blonde joke. A little way down the road, she saw another blonde out in a field rowing a boat. The blonde stopped her car and angrily jumped out yelling,
"You dumb blonde bimbo! It's blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name! If I could swim I'd come out there and give you what's coming to you!"

9 A blonde and a redhead went to the bar after work for a drink, and sat on stools watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge, and the blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump.
Sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead $50. The redhead said,
"I can't take this, you're my friend."
But the blonde insisted saying,
"No. A bet's a bet."
Then the redhead said
"Listen, I have to tell you that I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money."
The blonde replied
"Well, so did I, but I didn't think he would jump again!"

10 A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette.
When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country.
After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought,
"Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!"
She got out and walked over to the farmer and said,
"If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?"
The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try.
The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, "157."
The farmer was amazed - she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car.
Before she left, farmer walked up to her and said.
"If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"

A blonde goes into a Best Buy. She asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner. The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.
The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing and again the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.
Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red. Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time. To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes. The blonde asks the clerk, "How do you know I am a blonde?"
The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV - it's a microwave

Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: Why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel after a blonde drives a car?
A: Because she blows the horn!
Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
A: Wave to her.
Q: Why'd the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?
A: She kept throwing out all the W's.
Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
A: The back of her head
Q: How did the dumb blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.
Q: What do you call a zit on a blonde's ass?
A: A brain tumor.
Q. Why can't Blondes dial 911?
A. They can't find the 11 on the phone!
Q. How did the blonde die ice-fishing?
A. She was run over by the zamboni

Q. Why did the blonde climb over the glass wall?
A. To see what was on the other side.
Q. How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
A. Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.
Q. How do you drive a blonde crazy?
A. Give her a bag of M & M s and tell her to alphabetize them.
The blonde couldn't go water skiing because she couldn't find a lake with a slope on it.
The blonde thought the capital of California was "C".
WHAT DO U CALL A BLONDE SKELETON IN A CLOSET?
LAST YEARS HIDE AND GO SEEK WINNER.
There was a red head, brunette, and a blonde driving in a convertible car. They were driving to fast and flew over a gaurd rail and they landed in a river. The red head and the brunette float up to the surface. Why didn't the blonde?
-Her door was locked!
A blonde, a red head, and a brunette were having a breast stroke swimming contest to see who the better swimmer was. It was a 5 mile race.
At the finish, the red head came first, then the brunette, and finally, after two hours of waiting, the blonde arrived. The red head and the brunette asked what had taken her so long. She replied, "Well, I don't want to be picky or anything, but, I think you two were using you're hands!"

A blonde walks into a restaurant to get some lunch, and while she's deciding on what she wants a waitress comes up. The blonde looks up and notices the waitress's name tag on her shirt.
''Gee, that's nice. What did you name the other one?''

''Have you heard my knock-knock joke?'' asked the blonde.
''No,'' said the brunette.
''Okay,'' said the blonde, ''you start.''

Q: What do you call a hundred blondes stacked up on each other?
A: An air mattress.

What do you get when Dolly Parton does the backstroke?
Islands In The Stream.

How do you know a blonde's having a bad day?
Her tampon's behind her ear and she can't find her pencil.

A blonde, redhead, and brunette were looking at a dictionary for the hardest words they knew. The brunette's word was quizzical. The redhead's word was photosynthesis. The blonde's word was dick.